SEEKING WISDOM

Older... but more mature??

2008-09-16T16:42:00.002+08:00

Another year.. another grey hair... but am I more mature in mind and spirit as I am physically?

Just had another birthday... 29... hhh.. I felt older.. yes I do, especially now I have an almost one-year old daughter.. but I don't feel more mature in my mind and spirit. I felt there are still so many things to understand and learn. There are still so many things to change. I want more things in life than I had ever wanted anything. I want greater ministry than what I've ever done before. I want my love for Jesus grow like I've ever loved him before. I have bigger dreams then i have ever dared to dream before. And yet... i felt the same as before... a little confused and loss for direction.. hahaha..

People say you become more mature as you know more of what you want in life.If you know what career you want, how many kids you want, what sort of ministry you want to do, what sort of dreams you want to fulfill...etc.. I know all that.. but I don't think I'm more mature than I was before I knew all that!

I found this quote: “Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.” by John MacNaughton

And another great quote: “Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations.” by Samuel Ullman

and even greater quote:

⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Rom 12:9-16, 20-21

hmm... i guess i found the definition of maturity...

LIttle Callista...

2008-03-23T08:57:00.007+08:00

Here is a video I took of my cute princess.. hihihi..

She's almost 5 months when I took this video. It's really fun and really enjoyable to be able to make her laugh like that. Her toothless laugh.. going to miss it soon once her teeth comes out...She's sooo cuuuteee... I think she's the cutest baby in the WORLD!!! (I'm biased... so what?!! ^_^)

a bRigHt NeW ChaPter...

2007-10-23T11:16:00.000+08:00

Yup... she's born!! It was an awesome feeling to experience. I never thought I will cry when the doctor placed her on my breast. I thought those are just in the movies... But she was so... breathtakingly.. beautiful. To finally see her and hold her is just awesome. We decided to named her Callista Ribka Kosasih.... most beautiful and captivating. She is to me... ^_^. She's born on the 12th October 2007, at 1.48pm. Our prayers are for her to be just like we named her... beautiful in the sight of The Lord and others.

I can just stare at her for hours, watching her sleep. She's really cute with those chubby cheek and tiny mouth.. When she's full, she will pout her bottom lip and closed her mouth soooo... tightly, trying to tell me, "Enough Mommy..." She was born weighing 2975 gms... tiny but big on character! Amen!! ^_^

Having a baby is real new experience. One you can't really understand until you are actually going through it. Waking up in the middle of the night, every two hours or so, is not about not getting enough sleep, but about making sure she's alright, she's not hurt, she's breathing ok, she's not hungry, she's not feeling lonely, does she need me?,.. all those things going through me head when I hear a slight noise from her.

Off course, it's tiring and sometimes you almost fell asleep whilst feeding her in the middle of the night... but it's really worth it.. and knowing that she's sleeping with a full tummy, enough warmth and content, is a secure and happy feeling.

It's a journey both Gabriel and I are obviously new at, and truly... it's a journey to the unknown... yet it is wonderful, exciting and most rewarding...

Another year.. another journey...

2007-09-06T19:11:00.000+08:00

OK... another year has passed. Didn't realised that I'm another year older.. already?? Man... i grow older quicker than I thought. I guess it's part of life.

Gabriel and I were praying on my birthday night (just last night actually) and he asked me, what do you want this year, sayang? If God, your Father in heaven, asks you right now, what do you want for your birthday, what will you ask from Him?

It surprised me that I can't find a simple answer. I mean, naturally just like many people, I want a lot of things. There's got to be at least ONE thing I wanted so bad... right???

Dunno... I just couldn't answer straight away. I thought.. and thought... and all I can think of are the many blessings that I have received. Trust me, we are blessed, but doesn't mean it was a smooth sail either... Where I am now in life, has truly been an amazing journey I went through with God. Ups and downs are always there to be experienced. But His grace is abundant in our lives and although we don't always see the green pastures ahead, but we know and believe it's there and there's where the Lord is leading us because He is our Shepperd.

Every day His words encourages us and keeps us strong. We don't always get an answer to our prayers straight away but we know He is always listening and watching and His timing is always perfect! We truly believe that. Share markets goes up and down, people we helped turned to stab us in the back, we ended up disappointing people we love, we too get disappointed by people we trust, trying to show God's love through our lives is not as painless as we thought. But His love endures and His mercy overflows in our lives.

So what do I want for this year? I know one thing for sure... I want this to be the year where I grow to love Him more and more and to love what He loves... through His wisdom, His courage, His grace, His strength, His promises and His plans for my life. I'm limited, but He is an unlimited God. I want to dream big for His glory, not to boast, but so that people will see that I worship the One true God... my Jehovah Jireh, God my provider, and that is my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. This year... will be another great year.. another great journey...

Shower of Gifts and Love

2007-08-27T12:45:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, we had a Baby Shower party held by friends and fam to celebrate our pregnancy. My sis and a few friends organised the whole thing and did the invites, etc. Pastor D and Hulda lends us their house for the party... (we just moved.. so.. don't think having it at our place was a good idea). Anyway, friends and fam came, Tasia decorates the place with tulips (Thanks Taz!! my fav flower.. ^_^), there were lots of food too (but somehow all these girls managed to clean almost all of them! hmm...).

It was quite a day though! The weather was cool, then most friends came early to prepare the food and room. Then we have games... (gosh.. those baby food are quite awful!! i better learn how to cook for my baby!), then it was presents time!! I've got soooo many presents and they were all great! Those who were invited but couldn't come also gave gifts and sends their love and congratulations! Truly, it's merrier then birthdays!!

After all those, it's hard to missed the love, care and true friendships these great bunch of people lavished me with. It's not just the gifts that blessed me but their sacrifice of time, effort and just being there is a real blessing for me. Thanks Lord for all this great bunch of friends!

"Friends Are Like The Chocolate Chips In A Chocolate Chip Cookie. They Make Everything Taste Better"
Kendall H

Expecting and Expectation

2007-08-27T12:13:00.000+08:00

Yes... it is this time of my life that I never thought will come... not this soon anyway..

The thought of being a parent to someone else has always been something quite scarry to me. Yes, the whole natural vs cesarean birth option, feeling the least beautiful and attractive (to some of you this may not apply.. hahaha.. lucky you!!), and those other pregnancy stuff... is not really the thing you worry the most as your pregnancy grows older.

I mean, being 7.5 mths pregnant, you don't think of those things much anymore. For me, my line of thoughts is more about how to raise the baby well, will I be a good mother, what if I can't bond with my baby, I certainly don't want my baby to be like THAT baby, etc. All these thoughts just haunts me sometimes. Yeah people always say... it'll come naturally as a woman... you'll know what to do when the time comes.... reEeallLLllyyy??!!

Maybe I'm just a worrier... Sometimes my mind just wonders about 5-10 yrs into the future where I imagine what my children will be and how naughty or how nice and good boys and girls they are.... Then it wonders back into the present where all of the concepts and principles of how to raise good children started to fill my head... (I know.. i know.. maybe I'm just being too paranoid...) Despite all these worries I have in my head, Jesus reminded me that there are fam and friends whom He has placed all around me, to help me out and to learn from... I feel truly blessed in soooo many ways! I have family and friends who are always there to give me advices and supports, even suggest a few names.. (which I'm dreaaddddiinnggg to hear...). Truly, I've got a bunch of caring friends and fam all around us who are just excited as we are about this baby.

We get to move to my brother's house which is only 2 doors down from my mum in-law's house! Whom by the way.. is an excellent cook!! And my mum is coming down from Jkt to stay here for a month to help out. I have aunts and uncles and experienced mums all around me to help me out should I feel stuck. I am truly blessed!

So maybe I should just stop worrying and really enjoy the moment... After all, there's nothing gained out of worrying. I guess I will know when the time comes... but for now... Oooohhh!!! She's moving about!! Tickles!

wAsSup with "CINTA"??!!!

2007-05-23T15:17:00.000+08:00

If you have a partner, whatever their status are... still dating, engaged, married, or whatever, normally you'll have a love-calling for him/her. Some called their partner, "dear", "honey", "babe", "say.."(indonesian), or whatever nickname you guys make up to show he/she is the special someone (e.g. my sis in-law called my bro-in-law "Buny"... i'm not sure if it's the same as "bunny"... ^_^) The point is.. doesn't really matter what u want to call him/her.. or NOT want to call them anything else but their names. It doesn't matter, you just want to make sure that the world know he/she is your special one.

So I do too! I call my husband "Cinta" (love) not long after we started dating. In western culture calling your partner "love" is a common thing. Some think its old fashion. But still... it's quite common. But as Indonesian, not a lot of people use the word "cinta" to call their partner. At least not among my friends! They thought it was so tacky and cheesy!! Maybe its like calling ur partner "hey you, the love of my life"... and actually saying it every time and not just in cards. But being us (me and my husband), we don't really care! That's how precious we are for each other and we just keep calling each other "cinta", with the occasional "babe", "hon...", etc.

And what's weird is... I was checking my friendster and see what's changed in my friends life and all that... then I noticed... hmm.... why is it that many of my friends starts calling their partner "Cinta"?? ... like... "Hey Cinta... I love u.. bla bla bla.."; "I miss you Cinta... bla bla.." Most are the very same people who used to giggle at us or raised their eyebrows when they heard us use the word "Cinta". I know its not uncommon either that people do call their love one "Cinta" but it's just amazing for myself to see how "Cinta" can be quite famously used now. ^_^ Honestly, as far as we know, when we used it no one else that we know used it... because of that very reason: tawdry and cheesy! Unless off course.... people used it privately! hmm... I told my husband and we both couldn't really comment anything but smile at each other. maybe if my baby is a girl, I should name it Cinta just as a reminder. =p But it's just funny how life is a trend even what you call your partner!

I also noticed different age groups have different common callings. I remembered most people I knew, when Gabriel and I only started dating (that's like when we were only 17-18 yrs old), called their love ones "baby", "babe", "say"(from "sayang" = love), or just simply, their names. Those are the common calls. Not a lot of people use "honey or hon", left alone "Cinta". I think it was my Pastor and his wife that used "hon" as their daily calling for each other. And I never have called my husband "hon" before, but since you heard it often from other people (in my case from my Pastor), I now call my husband "hon" sometimes. And funnily enough, I only started using it not long ago, maybe a few months before we got married. As personally I always thought the nick "honey or hon" are for the "older generation" or "married people"... like "darling" is way too old and odd to call your 18 yrs old boyfriend! But that's just me! Then, since I was soon to be just that (part of the older generation... T.T), maybe unconsciously, mentally I accepted "honey" as an acceptable call out for us. =p

Anyway, whatever it is that you think acceptable or not, sweet or just plain cheesy, I guess trend, tackiness and cheesiness does come around when people are in love. I mean, romanticism and cheesiness are only a thin line when it comes to love.... right?? ^_^ I don't know.. you tell me!

Besides, what's important is, for other people to know that he/she is YOUR special someone..... so stay away!!! hahaha..

Being under Authority

2007-02-16T08:15:00.000+08:00

I received this daily devotional and i want to share it with all of you.

VERSE:
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. Hebrews 13:17

http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Hebrews+13:17

THOUGHT:
We often fail to realize that one of the very best ways we can make Kingdom leadership better is by being better followers. Kingdom leadership means that leaders will have to answer to God for how they have led. Kingdom citizenship means that we will be held responsible for how we have obeyed and blessed our leaders. What have you done to show your love, respect, and support for your church leaders lately?

PRAYER:
Almighty King, all authority and dominion belong to you. You alone are worthy of power and the right to rule. Please bless our leaders at church that they may lead by serving and following
Christ. Please empower me to follow their leadership in ways that exalt the cause of Christ and bless the leaders in your Kingdom. May my life never be a burden to them or an embarrassment to you. In Jesus' name I ask it. Amen.

Hope the short devotion blesses you as it has been a great reminder to me, both as follower and a leader. God Bless.

Taken from Heartlight http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/todaysverse.cgi?day=20070215

Something to Ponder....

2007-01-30T08:45:00.000+08:00

The Purpose Of Marriage
January 18th
READ: Mark 10:1-12

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." So they are no longer two, but one (Mark 10:7-8).

There are a great many implications in this statement. First, you recognize that it does away with all such notions as "homosexual marriages." There are no such things. These pathetic misrepresentations are but a poignant commentary upon the twisted, distorted ideas that prevail in society today. It takes a man and a woman to be married. Marriage is one man and one woman, and it always has been, from the beginning.

But what our Lord makes clear is that this relationship is the highest relationship possible in life. It takes priority over all others. Closer even than the tie of blood is that of marriage, in the mind and heart of God. It is a closer relationship than with any children who follow. People are to become husbands and wives before they become fathers and mothers. This indicates a priority of relationship. A man is closer to his wife, and a wife to her husband, than they will ever be to their children. Though we may not feel that way, nevertheless, it is the truth.

What, then, is the purpose in marriage? It is to become one. This is what marriages are for. Two people who are disparate, distinct, and different individuals, with different personalities, different gifts, blending their lives together so that through the process of the years they become one flesh--that is what marriage is. It is not something that happens instantaneously when you get married. The wedding service does not make you one. The first act of sex after marriage does not make you one. It begins the process, but it does not finish it. It takes the whole marriage to accomplish this. Marriage is the process of two people becoming one.

Therefore man and woman are not to live together as roommates. Marriage is not going your separate ways and having your separate careers and merely sharing a house and a bed together. Nor are they to split up over every problem or difficulty that arises between them; they are to work them out. They are not to separate; they are to choose to be together, to spend the rest of their lives together, in order that they might merge their lives together. Therefore they stop being rivals and start to become partners. A successful marriage, therefore, is not one without problems; it is one where the problems are being worked out, where the husband and wife do not split but stick together, face up to their problems, discover the hardness of heart that is there, and learn how God can soften it. In other words, it is a process, not a single production. It is a pilgrimage, not a six weeks' performance. It is intended to be a public portrayal, not a private predicament. It is a lifelong contract, not a renegotiable franchise, as many presume today.

Thank You for these plain and clear words that help me understand what is involved when choose a wife or husband and what Your purpose is in it. Help me to walk in these ways.

Taken from
The Power of His Presence
Daily Devotions
From the Writings of Ray Stedman

Please visit us at www.RayStedman.org

Delights .. then Desires

2006-08-30T10:09:00.000+08:00

We live our lives through opportunities and changes. We go from season to season, changes to changes, or the way the bible puts it, from glory to glory. That's God's purpose for our lives. He came to give us life and life to the full.

My walk with Jesus has also experienced changes. From being a baby in Christ, when I only know the expression “I want… I need…give me…help me…”, slowly God carry me and lead me to grow into maturity. I believe maturity does not end until you reach the end of your journey in this world. In the process of maturity, my faith and wisdom grows as His will for my life unfolds bit by bit.

At times, I found myself on that intersection where I don’t know which way to go. I know what I want and my desires and dreams, but I wasn’t sure how to get it. I have a vision on what's in the future. A very vague vision though. That’s when God wants me to trust Him even more. Just like driving to an unknown place, that’s when I have to let him show me the way and I only need to drive the car. As I look back to the journey I’ve made, I remembered how scary and uncertain those drives were.

Now, I found myself in that intersection again. This time is even worse... I don't even have a vision of the future. I don't have the tiniest clue on where God wants me to be. I see my life at its so called "stable condition" or stagnant. It's at that point in life where everything seems OK and all needs seems fulfilled. But I know that I want a further increase in life, but just don't know HOW to increase it. My faith has grown though... well.. I FEEL my faith has grown. I can trust God more and I'm not easily worried about things anymore. My faith is "free-er" somehow.

But...I want more...... I'm content, but not satisfied... I hangs onto His words in Psalm 37 (Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart). But can't help to think, where's the fulfilment of that desires Lord? My non-christian friends can do better than I do financially! I've served God through different kinds of ministry. I want to be able to offer more, but right now, I have little seed to plant. How can I harvest out of nothingness? I want my finance to increase, I want my career to flourish, I want to see the next glory that is ahead. I want God to use me more. I long for His Name be glorified through me and whatever I do!!!

But what can I do?

Psalms 37:1-6

When we look abroad we see the world full of evil-doers, that flourish and live in ease. So it was seen of old, therefore let us not marvel at the matter. We are tempted to fret at this, to think them the only happy people, and so we are prone to do like them: but this we are warned against. Outward prosperity is fading. When we look forward, with an eye of faith, we shall see no reason to envy the wicked. Their weeping and wailing will be everlasting.

The life of religion is a believing trust in the Lord, and diligent care to serve him according to his will. It is not trusting God, but tempting him, if we do not make conscience of our duty to him. A man's life consists not in abundance, but, Thou shalt have food convenient for thee. This is more than we deserve, and it is enough for one that is going to heaven. To delight in God is as much a privilege as a duty. He has not promised to gratify the appetites of the body, and the humours of the fancy, but the desires of the renewed, sanctified soul. What is the desire of the heart of a good man? It is this, to know, and love, and serve God. Commit thy way unto the Lord; roll thy way upon the Lord, so the margin reads it. Cast thy burden upon the Lord, the burden of thy care. We must roll it off ourselves, not afflict and perplex ourselves with thoughts about future events, but refer them to God. By prayer spread thy case and all thy cares before the Lord, and trust in him.

We must do our duty, and then leave the event with God. The promise is very sweet: He shall bring that to pass, whatever it is, which thou has committed to him. (Ps 37:7-20)

I should do that... and should've realised that all this time, I delight in His WORKS... not in Him. Wanting to succeed and to have His promise that God's children are more than conquerors, we are head and not the tail being fulfiled in my life, is what God wants me to have. But I should not worry and be anxious about how to grow and what God will do through me cos it's not about me and what I can do. But it's about Him and who, what, when he wants to use to glorify His Name. God WILL make it grow. Just delighting in him, is a desire fulfiled.

WeDdiNg piCs...

2006-02-03T12:48:00.000+08:00

Here's some of the wedding pics..

bE mArRied....

2006-01-18T07:57:00.000+08:00

Yes... I'm married now... i mean.... really married! It's been almost 2 months. I'll put our picture on here when i have the time. Married life is a bit strange to me... being married is especially strange to me... For me.. it is literally.. a life-changing experience... Let me make this clearer to you...

I woke up this morning... and just like any other morning.... i woke up and i can hear my brain saying to my body... JUST 1 MORE MINUTE.... so my hands snapped the snooze button on my alarm... i think i can hear my husband's brain talks the same thing to his. But finally after half an hour later (felt like only 2 minutes ago), i woke up... and then went to open the doors for the dogs, then stood in front of 3... let me say that again.. THREE piles of un-ironed clothes (this bothers me.. althought it never did... hmm.. wonder why..). After sometime, i finally picked a shirt, went to the shower, then get dressed, do my hair and make up, wake my husband up, then get ready to go and catch the bus to work.

Now, let me tell you something MAJOR about me... I DON'T LIKE COOKING! Unlike my lil' sis, she likes cooking and is part of her daily routine to discuss with my grandma what they are going to cook for dinner. Friends from church especially the mums and wives, always said to me, you better get ready and learn how to cook! You have to feed your husband... (especially knowing that my husband's the type that LOVES TO EAT!! and to make it worst... He's been living with his mum for the past 26 years and enjoy very good cooking!!) So... they said to me.. you'll be in trouble if you can't cook! My answer to them is always.... "Easy! I'll order catering every 2-3 days! Sometimes from my own mother in law... sometimes from other people...^_^! Or, if my husband is fussy about what he's eating.. he can cook for himself! Or better yet... it's the new age! Why can't husband cook for their wives instead??!!" That's what i always say and I was serious about my answer because i always see myself as a career-wife and never a housewife...

NOW I'M MARRIED!!! You know what's so strange about it?!! It's like there's a automatic button in my brain that once it detected a status change in life, like.. "now married" it sort of thinks for its own. All i can think of is what to cook for dinner!!!! Seriously....!!!!! All I can think of on my way home from work is "did we still have chicken to cook for tonight?!" Or.."i think there's spam in the fridge that i can use for dinner" or... "i still have time to run to the supermarket to buy some ribs and salad for dinner..."

............AMAZING!!!.........although.. a little bit... scaaarrryy...

So, i'm still trying to figure out what's happening to me... is it the way it is suppose to be? Is this what God has intended for EVERY WOMAN?? Or am I just having fun experimenting with different role in my life? Will I come back to the old me? Will my husband ever cook for me?!!!! The answer is... I don't know.... but what i know is... I'm sort of having fun and enjoying it...^_^ Oh well...

....Hmm... I think I'll cook pasta tonight...

TEAM PLAYER

2005-05-25T12:11:00.000+08:00

I never like reading. Since I started working, I have to take bus to work. Still, i have no desire whatsoever to read during the trip (like most people do when they are in the bus - you get bored looking at landscape along the way, cos you passed it everyday!)Other reasons are: one, because I get headache reading too long in moving vehicle, secondly, I just don't like reading (especially while one hand hanging on to the hand rail to support myself from falling when the bus driver suddenly breaks..., and the other trying to hold on to my bag).

Anyway, out of the blue, one day I decided to really start to read! And mind you, not that I've never have the urge to start the habit of reading before... i have! That's why I have some books that I bought when I attended conferences and all that... so that I can read them during my "spare time" (although its getting more and more limited nowdays...). But you guessed it! Never touch them, or the worst is, never get to finish any of them.

However, about two days ago, decided to start reading "THE 17 ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF A TEAM PLAYER" by John C Maxwell. In it, you can find great tips on how you can help your team to be better, help yourself to be a better teammate, and help your mates to be better aswell. Maybe some of you have heard of or even finished reading this book. Let me know how it blesses you!

I learned to encourage good COLLABORATION of team members and not just cooperation. Because Maxwell said the difference between the two is:
Cooperation - working together agreeably...
Collaboration - working together aggressively

meaning, not only agree to do something together, but making sure that each team is giving the best, to contribute to the value and synergy to the team.

It strikes me that its so important for each of the team member to know and respect the other's part in the team. Very often, in our worship team for example, some people felt that, or should I say, sometimes I feel that my role in it is minisculed by the fact that there are "better" and more talented people who should take my position as leader. And to be honest, sometimes I felt that way, because I felt that whatever it is that I do, people think I did it because I'm being a dictator with no talent! Or maybe I also heard that some people feel that their part in the team is too small to contribute to anything... as if the church only needs some of those who are "good" singers or musicians. And after reading this book, I realised that I need to learn that although some singers sings false notes, they have tried their best, and its up to the rest of the team to try to collaboratelly fill in the gaps. That's what make us excel as a team. But off course, the purpose of the trust that everyone will give their best, is to actually see the result of that trust. Have you really practiced at home? Have you really spend quality time with The Lord everyday? Have you really work on your spiritual health? Have you done what you can to be better so you can contribute much more to the quality of your team?

So, if you think you can add a few more words to encourage your team mates, let's do so! LETS LEARN TO COLLABORATE!!!

bUiLdiNg a HoMe

2005-04-18T10:38:00.000+08:00

Monday, 18th April 2004
Well... i've got a thousand things going on at the same time right now. And one of them is building a house. Man..!! Never though I will actually come to this phase of my life that I'm building my own home. Have always thought of it.. dreamt it... but.. WOW!! I'm building it soon!! It's very exciting!

Gabriel and I have been praying for as long as I can remember.. hehehe.. We both realised that we have to depend on God to provide for what we need and desire... And since we've prayed for a house, God has shown tremendous blessing in our lives... Gabriel's job is good, our ministry is filled with joy,... i mean, now I'm waiting to get the perfect job for myself [AMEN!!]. ANd btw.. I'm having an interview this Wednesday, at 1pm. So please pray for me.. ^-^... I know that He has something great in store for me. For His words says "For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land".

First, we thought of building instead of buying a house because that's what we have in our heart, then we prayed and ask advices from here and there.. then don't know why... we decided that we r going to buy instead of building a new house, although we couldn't really make up our mind where to buy. Then we' ve been searching for the right house and at different suburbs... I know its a bit wide scope of search... but mainly we focused on Cannington area... although if we have the money probably at Como...

Anyway... we've been searching endlesly... have placed 2 offers for two diff properties... but we felt that they are just not right... although they were the best options we had at that time. But I guess God didn't agree either. So both plans fell apart. Then we were in the middle of searching for more options, when Gabriel felt the Lord is telling him to build at a specific suburb... and that was our first prayer. He was quite surprised for we were confident that buying a property as a start was the best option. And it was the advice that we got from almost everybody we talked to. Then He gave Gabriel wisdom and with that he told me and he felt peace although he was surprised of the thought that God told us to built.

We then searched for a land, although deep inside I was scared to face the reality that land is very expensive nowadays with real estate growth... But anyway, God showed us a new estate, and after we looked around for the perfect lot, we finally found one and placed in on Hold (for about a week). Then, after budgeting and praying, we decided that we r going to buy that land. So we went there to put a deposit. But to our shock, the price of land has gone up by $6000!! I mean.. i think my face was cool enough to pretend its ok.. but if u can see my heart pumping and my brain works... i think you'll see a tsunami at work there!... then we enquire about the price... but the sale person just said that if the vendor says raise the price.. then.. there's nothing we can do. We only hold the land, but not the price (and there was no agreement on that). We knew that we had no ground for arguement.. well.. little anyway... Being little of faith...i started to feel down inside... Thanked God, He's a God who's my rock and strength... Out of nowhere... the lady suggested that she's going to call her boss (whom I've been in contact with) to asked about this price rise. And my heart pumped even faster... finally...... Hallelujah!!! She will sell it for the original price!! We both were VEERRRRYYYY happy!! But... we have to be the cool customers.. so.. we just thanked her naturally and pretended that its normal and all that!! hahahaha... little that she know how we screamed joyfully as we drove off though! God has saved our money by $6000. God is good!! Thank You Lord!

Monday, 25 April 2004

Now, those were written a week ago. I wasn't ready to published it in the blog yet. I didn't know why I wouldn't, because it's basically finished anyway... now i know why! Remember that Wednesday interview i said before? I GOT IT! It was amazing cos I never thought of getting an interview only after 2 weeks of searching for a job, then got it only after 1 interview! And let me tell ya..!!! The interview was a weird and extremely short one. And most people I spoke to said that normally if it's a short interview, it meant that your interviewer was not "impressed" by you! So.. sounded like a bad sign... If lucky.. I'll be called for a 2nd interview. Hearing those comments dimmed my faith a bit. But there you go!! I don't know why....but I got the job!!! hahahaha.. i know HOW though! I know it's God @ work! So.. I got the job... and now we can plan our finance much better, knowing that I will have a steady income and all that. So, with that little faith that I have, God is developing it, so next time no matter what people told me, my hope is in Him! At least, for Gabriel and I, this job is like a confirmation that our plans so far are part of His plans for our lives. ^-^ Praise The Lord..!!!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

FiGhTinG mY dEmoNs.....

2005-04-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

Ever feel like you are on the edge of a cliff and behind you is a hungry pursuing lion? The only choice you can make is to either jump off or get eaten? well.. I'm sorta like that now...

Ever feel that whatever you do for yourself or other people is never enough? You smile but never seems to smile wide enough, you run but never seems to be fast enough, cry but never seems to be worthwhile... You've changed but its to pointless to mean anything.. and many other things that you try to do.. and have tried doing your best, but never seems to be good enough? Now.. this is the kind of battle my mind is doing right now...well.. lately..

I'm pouring out my pain, anger, sadness, whatever u want to call it in this page... and hope one day I'll resolve it.. and it'll desolve. You can say that I'm an outspoken character... People used to and some (although getting less) still do.. call me hot-blodded, sarcastic, quick tempered, LOUD, strictly business.. whatever you want to call it.. except NICE, soft-spoken, lady like and the rest. I don't tell bulls**t about anything, especially to my friends. Maybe I'm not the best person to get comfort from.. but I've always tried to...I'm sincere in what I do and that's not trying to boast, but I do. I won't do anything and be anything I'm not. You talk to me about anything I will tell you what I have in mind. If it came out like an advice or preaching, well, that's how I speak but tou will get the truth... I don't give little white lies just because it makes u feel better, but then will kill you... I rather not say anything... (hm.. maybe that's something I should do from now on.. just nod and not be me! hey.. maybe that'll work...!) Then people told me: "why can't you change the way you talk? Maybe people will accept u better..."

That's what I'm trying to say... I have.. I tried to be more sensitive with other people's feeling, cos I know not everyone can handle the truth.... told bluntly... I tried to be more soft-spoken than commanding... I tried to be friendlier and friendlier everyday... I tried to help in anyway I can (but I only do it if I'm sincere)... But then, i guess for other people, I haven't tried hard enough maybe... cos to them there's always something that I do that's wrong (i think that will make me a human rite..?)and unacceptable... so no more heart-to-heart with me, no worries if don't invite me, ok to forget that I exist, just take me for granted.. "she's a strong person and tough... so she'll come through...!! don't worry about how she feels.."

Anyways, I'm just pouring out lots of crap here... I don't get angry and bitter easily.. so not the type... more the 'dont take it to heart' type. But i have never felt so wrong in my life.. and never feel so left out by people I care so much about, and just never feel...... AARRGGGGHHHHHHHH....!!!!!!!!!! before...

seriously, i'm sort of tired of trying... at least for now I'm having a break from trying to change.. Don't get me wrong... I don't say I'm the victim here and please symphatise with me! Hell no!!! I just need a medium to pour my heart out. I'm not perfect, that's why I'm trying to change to be better and I know I make mistakes... But don't you? Bu my question is why do I have to be the one cornered with tough choices? Why do I have to be the one who change and expected to accept other people's weaknesses when they won't even accept mine? I told other people the truth, but what I get is a gossip, or backstabbing, or whatever u want to call it. Why do I have to put up with it? Is it what they called a part of God's moulding process? Can anyone tell me? Why? Normally, before I put it in the blog, I've resolved my feeling... but... this time... I'm too consumed in hurt that I think I'm blinded by the truth... And I think I need lots of prayers... LOTS! So if you have some spare time... just mention my name to Him will you? Eventhough you don't understand why on earth I'm on about.. but He does.. so.. just remind Him to drop some help down here.

I thought I have two choices which both leads to death.. as in sin... but I know there's a third choice... I can go back, stand strong and take my chances to fight the lion! I might get more scars and cuts and bruises, but when I win it, I'll come through braver and stronger in faith. God showed me a little bright light at the corner of my mind that's telling me... You can win the battle, but you've got to start trying! ..... but right now... I just can't...

A Commited AtHeiSt

2005-02-25T13:30:00.000+08:00

By: Nathan Bluhm

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at USC.
There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever *really gone against him* (you will see what I mean later). Noboby would go against him because he had a reputation.

At the end of every semester, on the last day he would say to the class of 300 students, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up !" In twenty years, nobody ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next.

He would say, "Because anyone who believes in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove he is God, and yet he can't do it." And every year he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All the students were convinced that God couldn't exist. Certainly a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years they had been too afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago there was a freshman (1st yr student) who happened to get enrolled in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required classes for his major. And he was afraid. But for three months that semester he prayed that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought. Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.

Finally, the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!" The professor, and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the room. The professor shouted, "YOU FOOL! If nothing I have said all semester has convinced you that God doesn't exist, then you are a fool! If God existed, he could keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!"

He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. And as it hit the ground it simply rolled away, unbroken. The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who stood up proceeded to walk to the front of the room and shared his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of his power through Jesus.

"Have faith in God,' Jesus answered." -- Mark 11:22

Love always in Him: "The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." -- John 1:5

It is FuNny...

2005-02-03T10:08:00.000+08:00

It's funny how much you think you know someone so well, but ended up with a slap on your face. It's funny how in a blink of a moment, your bestfriend can turn into your biggest enemy who criticise your every move. It's funny how the people you trusted the most stabbed you in the back. It's funny how when you were friends, praises are only whispered, but how easily criticism screams out when disappointments and hatred reside. It's funny how you think so highly of someone but in return they look down on you. It's funny how people you love the most ended up disappoint you the most... It's funny how you apologized but people can't forgive you totally, but when they apologized, they expect us to forgive and forget.. It's funny how good intentions backfired...

If there's only 1 lesson I can learn from heartache, that is never to open my life for anyone to enter. Sometimes it is easier just to be ignorance and selfish. Why wasted energy to pleased people and be kind and be understanding and always takes the fault, whilst they don't even try to be introspective. Why try to be sensitive to other people's feeling if they are the ones who disappoint you over and over again? Why try to change if what you do is never enough in their eyes... Then people say, it is your fault, or, just pray for them, be patient, be strong, be positive, forgive them, or some encourage you to blame it on other things.. or simply start over!...... I say stuff it!!! Why start over? Once a person hates you, nothing you do is right, your ideas are bad, your intentions are bad and whatever you do is just a total waste of time... Am I exaggerating? I don't think so.. it happens now.. it happened in the past, it will happen again... You try to be a good usher and dress nicely, they say you overdressed, you want to cook for the church and give the best, they said you are boasting your cooking skill and raised the standard.. you are praising the Lord and show emotions, they say you are being a hypocrite. Why waste time fixing a broken heart and have it broken again? I say why bother!!!

But God says.. love them! He says.. Persevere, endure... He says He knows exactly how I felt and I don't always have to be strong... cos He'll be my strength.. He also says I'm not alone and I don't cry alone. He says dont fight the battle, for He will fight it for me. He says.. I don't need to look too far for a bestfriend, cos He's the bestest friend I can ever ask for. He says.. all these trials will happen again and may one be worst, but all I have to do is just to keep my eyes to Him and He will direct my path and vindicate my heart. He says that sometimes it takes my everything to give my life wholeheartedly to Him. He says surrender all and make Him the centre of my life... be confident in Him that I will see the goodness of The Lord.. and wait for Him, cos sometimes God answers our prayers one day at a time...He says, I can trust in Him and put my hopes in Him and will not be disappointed (and He smiled and said.. and I have proved that to you, haven't I, my child?)... Remember, He says.. just do to others what you want them do to you...

and finally He says... it's funny how He loves me to bits and always will, although I disappoint Him most of the time...

"His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."

Psalm 147 : 10-11

The Measure of Man

2004-12-16T16:41:00.000+08:00

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

MaRriAge...HhmMm..

2004-12-09T15:21:00.000+08:00

I'm reading this book called "Fit To Be Tied" by Bill & Lynne Hybels. (I'm still reading it.. =p) This book has really opened my eyes about marriage and partnership in life. So i thought I'll put it in this blog... in a series.. as I read on... and maybe those of you who read this can be blessed by this short reflections. All of these are taken from the book and some of my own reflections. When you read this, maybe you will be blessed by this.. or maybe you think I'm just an idiot for not realising this sooner...either way... I'm not sorry for reading this book or being blessed by it. You are welcome to comment or just pour out your thoughts on this...

I'm not married yet, but as I'm reading this book, not only I experience a paradigm shift about relationship and marriage, but also to get myself a little bit more prepared emotionally and spiritually as I'm walking closer to the aisle. =p

Marriage will end my aloneness. I think most of us can relate to this statement in one way or another. And I think its partly true. It'll be nice to have someone to hold hands with on your way to the cinema, while you go shopping... (hmm.. maybe not... maybe some prefer same gender company for this... hehehe) But anyway, no doubt so many people wants to go on dating or marriage because they want to have someone to share, someone to fill the loneliness in their heart.. someone to have and to hold.. although the "for better and for worst" part if often forgotten...So man and woman are joining in the race to walk down the aisle. Bill said in his book,

"[For lots of single people, they often think] Everywhere there are reminders that I am alone. [Through TV shows, love stories, movies, etc]. I wonder if I will ever find a person to fill that hole in my heart....The right man or woman, one believes can forever end her/his aloneness - can fill the hole in her/his heart. The truth is, there are millions of desperately lonely married people. Did they marry the wrong person?"

Did they? or maybe they simply place an unrealistic demand on their partner and marriage. That's what I always thought... This is what sometimes I felt with Gabriel. I often thought that marrying him will be one life full of sacrifices from my behalf... cos his way of doing things, his perspective, and some principles are so different than mine.. Sometimes I felt that I'm just the kind of person that is very hard to please.. and whatever he has done for me is never good enough and that's my expectation is that before we got married, some rules must be laid to make sure we are going to make each other lives easier... hehehe.. I ask a lot from other people especially Gabriel. Or perhaps, I failed to understand that "God created human beings to yearn for two levels of relational intimacy. The first can be met by establishing a deep, honest, trusting relationship with a friend or marriage partner. The second level can only be met by entering into an authentic, growing relationship with God"

I think this lack of understanding of the second level of need that make most people divorced easily or does not believe in marriage at all and just build relationship from one to another looking for this perfect individual that can meet all their needs. They move from one partner to the other to be able to get their intimacy needs fulfilled. Bill said that these men and women failed to understand that the most idealistic marriage partner can meet, at best, only part of their intimacy needs. But the question then.. can our life ever be fulfilled? whats the point of life and marriage then if 10 partners can't even fulfilled all your needs, let alone just 1 partner?!!

"Jesus said in John 10:10, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. A spouse may provide a little icing for the cake, but only God through Jesus Christ, can provide the foundation for a full and meaningful life. A good marriage to the right person, entered into under God's direction and nurtured carefully, can go a long way toward meeting the human need for intimacy; the Bible calls that oneness. But within every human heart there remains a hole that only God can fill."

I think I'll continue to change the way I think So while I'm still single, I think I'll just "plumb the depths of my relationship with Jesus Christ..." Then I can approach marriage and dating from a position of fullness rather than emptiness, from a state of satisfaction rather than desperation... although... i'm not desperate anyway...

NO MORE EMPTY SEATS!!!

2004-11-13T17:32:00.000+08:00

5 of us went to Bill Hybels' leadership seminar and MAN!! THAT ROCKED!!! That T.D. preacher dude is so kewl! What he said about "no more empty seats" is carved soooo deeply in my brain and heart! He said, "God must have someone in mind to sit on those empty seats". So ask God who do you need to ask to come to church this week. And ROCKERS, we need new building to accommodate the growing number of our members, and also we want to be able to have closer relationship with our mother church ICC. Let's pray and work hard to achieve that goal and to reap the harvest that God has provide for ICC and THE ROCKS!! ROCK ON GUYS!!

Courage

2004-11-03T15:54:00.000+08:00

I found this quote and has blessed me a lot..^-^

"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are."
Augustine

Only Once

2004-11-02T18:11:00.000+08:00

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

Joe E.Lewis

Do you like mystery??

2004-10-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy over CSI, Cold Case, and all the like... I just found it veerryyy exciting and interesting what they do and how they do stuff... smart, clever and very intricate stuff!! Neat!!! Anyways.. found this brainteaser mystery.. Can u crack it?? Have fun!! ^-^

Detective Mick Mace was called to the scene of a beach murder. Two uniformed officers were already there, piecing together the chain of events that lead to the victim's death. "Her name is Jina Lange," the first officer tells Mace, "a 27 year old waitress from 'Jakes Palace.' She was running from someone, but they got her, all right. Knocked her to the ground hard, gashing her head open, and wrapped a belt around her neck. Tried to strangle her to death, but she didn't die when the perp thought she did. She must have crawled 20 feet or so, but she was going toward the water by mistake. When she realized this, she was probably fading in and out of consciousness, and knew she wasn't going to make it. Looks like she wrote the word "help" in the sand with her finger, but it has been partially washed away by the approaching tide. See there? The h is half gone already, and the p is missing the stem. We took some pictures for record, though." Mick Mace looked down at the woman who lay dead, shuddering as he thought of what it must be like to die at someone else's hand. What were her last thoughts? What did this woman have to say that someone didn't want the world to hear? Suddenly, more cops arrive, with three men in tow. One, they called Jersey, was throwing a fit, his loose pants practically down to his knees in the struggle. " I wasn't with her! I bought her a drink, but she left without even saying thanks!" The other, older gentlemen, was the club owner. "Name's Shelby, detective. She is a great lady. This is a tragedy, but I will do anything to help. I saw her leave the club with that guy right there, but that's all I have." He pointed to the third man. "Yeah, so? She left with me, but only for a sec, to get some smokes from my car. She came right back, honest!" At that moment, Mace thinks of a very important clue, and knows exactly who is responsible for Jina's death. What does he figure out?

You want the answer ?

2004-10-25T11:14:00.000+08:00

Friends - ICC Family Camp

To All Women of God

2004-10-18T16:19:00.000+08:00

A Story by Jennifer Anne Messing

I was fourteen years old when my oldest brother, Joe, got married. For several years Joe and his wife, Regina, could not afford a place of their own, so my Mom graciously permitted them to live with us for as long as they needed.
Their first two children were later born, and spent their early years in our home. It felt strange to be called 'Aunt Jennifer' at seventeen.

What I have always remembered, and cherished, is the wonderful example of virtuous womanhood my sister-in-law demonstrated. Quietly, without preaching, she taught me by example how to be a loving wife and mother, as well as a diligent manager of household affairs. My own mother, a busy career woman, was rarely ever home--so I spent many pleasant hours conversing with Regina, observing her kind and gentle demeanor.

I am now married and a mother of two young daughters. I am so thankful that God purposed for Joe and Regina to live in our home for that season. It was the perfect time for me to learn how to be a loving wife and mother. Now it's my turn to set a good example for my daughters, and other young girls in my life who need a role model.

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands." Titus 2:3-5 NIV

PRAYER: Lord, thanks for women who model virtuous womanhood. May we all instruct younger believers in godliness by our example; in your name. Amen.

Me and my two sis..

2004-10-13T20:12:00.000+08:00

This is me and my sis!!
I love them to bits!! ^-^ I'm so blessed to have them in my life.. I'm lucky that as we grow older, we are growing closer to each other. Mady (the right hand side) came here about 6 almost 7 yrs ago.. I thought I will have extra responsibility taking care of her... but thanked God.. she grows up to be a beautiful woman of God.. who loves to cook!! Yeeeyy!!! Man.. i hate cooking..!! I'm so blessed to have her in my life.. hehehe.. not because she can cook better, can clean up better.. (although a bit of a control freak...) but cos she's always there everytime I needed someone to talk to.. I have someone to share her clothes with.. err. i meant.. MY clothes..hehehe.. I could never ask for anyone else but them two.. Mady and Carrina..^-^

Trial and temptation

2004-10-13T17:24:00.000+08:00

Have u ever found yourself in your laziestestest times?? that was how i felt while I was sick recently... it was only a flu.. but man!!! how i hate being sick. Cos for me.. once i'm relaxed and not doing anything for a long (I consider these few days.. long!) period of time... i'll get really lazy...I'm the kinda person who better do whatever it is i needed to get things done at the time i want to do it... otherwise.. it'll take my whole will power to get myself going!! These few days, when i can only lay in bed or on the couch for that matter... my laziness starts to creep on me.. and now that I'm healty again... man... its soooo hard to focus on my work! What i want to do is just watch TV or play with my darling Buddy, or... just to do fun stuff..!! Anyways.. then the Lord reminded me of part of a simple verse... "Learn from the ants".. I didn't know which book in the bible.. but thanks to Bible Gateway .. I can tell you!! ^-^ Its from Proverbs 30. And little by little I have the dilligence of the ants... well...almost.. hihihi..

2004-10-13T10:09:00.000+08:00

My baby...^-^

2004-10-13T10:07:00.000+08:00

Cintaku..hihihi..

To Have One, Be One

2004-10-13T09:40:00.000+08:00

A man who has friends must himself be friendly. —Proverbs 18:24

All of us need at least one or two close friends. A small boy defined a friend as "someone who knows all about you and likes you just the same." Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." Henry Durbanville made this observation about friendship: "A friend is the first person to come in when the whole world goes out."
Solomon wrote in Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times." We can't improve on that definition. To have someone who remains true to us under all circumstances is one of life's choicest blessings. The support and encouragement that only an intimate friend can offer is sorely needed when the burdens of life weigh heavily upon us. Jesus, of course, is the ultimate friend, for He laid down His life for His friends (John 15:13).
Proverbs 18:24 makes an important point and takes us beyond a description of what it means to be a friend. It says that "a man who has friends must himself be friendly." The implication is clear: Friendliness must begin with us. We must take the initiative in developing relationships with others. Let us be to others what we desire for ourselves. When it comes to friends, to have one you must be one! —RWD

I went outside to find a friend but could not find one there;

I went outside to be a friend,

And friends were everywhere! —Anon.

Friends are seldom found; they are made. —Wentworth