MaRriAge...HhmMm..

I'm reading this book called "Fit To Be Tied" by Bill & Lynne Hybels. (I'm still reading it.. =p) This book has really opened my eyes about marriage and partnership in life. So i thought I'll put it in this blog... in a series.. as I read on... and maybe those of you who read this can be blessed by this short reflections. All of these are taken from the book and some of my own reflections. When you read this, maybe you will be blessed by this.. or maybe you think I'm just an idiot for not realising this sooner...either way... I'm not sorry for reading this book or being blessed by it. You are welcome to comment or just pour out your thoughts on this...

I'm not married yet, but as I'm reading this book, not only I experience a paradigm shift about relationship and marriage, but also to get myself a little bit more prepared emotionally and spiritually as I'm walking closer to the aisle. =p

Marriage will end my aloneness. I think most of us can relate to this statement in one way or another. And I think its partly true. It'll be nice to have someone to hold hands with on your way to the cinema, while you go shopping... (hmm.. maybe not... maybe some prefer same gender company for this... hehehe) But anyway, no doubt so many people wants to go on dating or marriage because they want to have someone to share, someone to fill the loneliness in their heart.. someone to have and to hold.. although the "for better and for worst" part if often forgotten...So man and woman are joining in the race to walk down the aisle. Bill said in his book,

"[For lots of single people, they often think] Everywhere there are reminders that I am alone. [Through TV shows, love stories, movies, etc]. I wonder if I will ever find a person to fill that hole in my heart....The right man or woman, one believes can forever end her/his aloneness - can fill the hole in her/his heart. The truth is, there are millions of desperately lonely married people. Did they marry the wrong person?"

Did they? or maybe they simply place an unrealistic demand on their partner and marriage. That's what I always thought... This is what sometimes I felt with Gabriel. I often thought that marrying him will be one life full of sacrifices from my behalf... cos his way of doing things, his perspective, and some principles are so different than mine.. Sometimes I felt that I'm just the kind of person that is very hard to please.. and whatever he has done for me is never good enough and that's my expectation is that before we got married, some rules must be laid to make sure we are going to make each other lives easier... hehehe.. I ask a lot from other people especially Gabriel. Or perhaps, I failed to understand that "God created human beings to yearn for two levels of relational intimacy. The first can be met by establishing a deep, honest, trusting relationship with a friend or marriage partner. The second level can only be met by entering into an authentic, growing relationship with God"

I think this lack of understanding of the second level of need that make most people divorced easily or does not believe in marriage at all and just build relationship from one to another looking for this perfect individual that can meet all their needs. They move from one partner to the other to be able to get their intimacy needs fulfilled. Bill said that these men and women failed to understand that the most idealistic marriage partner can meet, at best, only part of their intimacy needs. But the question then.. can our life ever be fulfilled? whats the point of life and marriage then if 10 partners can't even fulfilled all your needs, let alone just 1 partner?!!

"Jesus said in John 10:10, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. A spouse may provide a little icing for the cake, but only God through Jesus Christ, can provide the foundation for a full and meaningful life. A good marriage to the right person, entered into under God's direction and nurtured carefully, can go a long way toward meeting the human need for intimacy; the Bible calls that oneness. But within every human heart there remains a hole that only God can fill."

I think I'll continue to change the way I think So while I'm still single, I think I'll just "plumb the depths of my relationship with Jesus Christ..." Then I can approach marriage and dating from a position of fullness rather than emptiness, from a state of satisfaction rather than desperation... although... i'm not desperate anyway...